I’m informed by my dad that today, August 13, is International Left-Handers Day. For centuries, my people — the left handed — were oppressed by Right Supremacists, and regarded as witches. In many languages, the word for left-handed (e.g. “sinister” in Latin) was associated with evil. And as recently as the Pleistocene Era, Ronald Reagan was forced to switch from left- to right-handed writing as a schoolboy. So, my fellow lefties (and this is the last time you’ll ever hear me use that phrase), let us all take a moment to be grateful that we live in a time and place where our inherent superiority inspires the proper attitude of awe and subservience, rather than fear and hatred.